As a young girl, i was very outgoing. There were no strangers just potential friends. My brother used to "use" me to make friends. We would go to the park and he would point out a group of kids playing. I was instructed to go over and ask if we could play..so I would skip over (literally) and introduce myself and ask what the game in progress was....and then of course my brother would come over to "check" on me....and voila!
As time went on, Friendship took on a whole new shape and a whole lot of drama! Oh, the politics involved in female friendships...and the rules! You can talk to Jen and Becky but don't talk to Amy and Joan but you can talk to you Amy if she is with Becky. AAAAHHHH! I was not good at all this. I preferred to talk to whoever I pleased. Consequently, my social status suffered to some degree...at least with the cheerleaders and preppy kids. (And this can be difficult when you ARE a cheerleader)
My college career was a bit crazy. I went to LSU for a year, UNC for 2 and UH for 2. (lovely how travel added on a year of my Bachelor's path) I never formed very strong friendships during these years. I had one friend i thought was a "bff" (as they call it now) but turns out....I was very wrong. (Long long story.)
Being married and not a drinker shot down the most commonly used ways of meeting friends in college. I reasoned that school, working and being married clearly was why I had not a tride and true friend to speak of. I had a lot of friendships and some I thought were concrete only to find out that I was merely a "lay over" of sorts until a new and better choice arrived.
After college, i worked some, had a baby, and then another.....had my step daughter living with us for a bit and that added more chaos. I had co workers and people I called friends but no one I felt I could call at 2 AM with a trauma situation. I really was OK with it on some levels because of past hurts and dis-loyalties. On other levels, I started thinking it was me....what I was/wasn't, who I was/wasn't.....I would try to be something else with each friend I had to see if it worked. No luck.
Then Tim and I found our church home. I met so many people and to this day, I consider them very dear friends. I still longed for the kind i could call on in times of stress and trust with my deepest secrets. I went through awful traumas in my marriage and found that friends were not as true as I thought. I had a miscarriage and found that even more.
I have had friends just stop talking to me, lie to me, avoid me....heck we all have I guess. My experiences though put up a wall of distrust around me. For a time I had NO one I trusted in my life. No pity party...just the way it was.
Then through a bible study I came to realize I had never asked God for this desire of my heart. I had never prayed for my friendships or for God to bring me ones at all. And so I did.....
God is so faithful and good. I asked for one and he gave me so many real, deep, meaningful friendships that I now cherish so much. I call them sisters and I know that if I needed too, I could call any of them at 2am with some trauma or crisis. I know that my status, financially or socially, could not mean any less. Where I shop or who I know grants me no extra points or takes points away. I am me and they like ME that way.
God speaks to me through friends. They have been the heart, hands, feet and love of Christ to me now for a couple years. They laugh with me, joke with me, cry with me, and most importantly....they pray with me. I love them so much and I am blessed to have them. They remind me how much I really do not deserve God's grace but He gives it to me anyway....not because I am good enough but because He loves me and knows we all NEED to feel connected. He made us that way.
For fear of missing a name, i will not name them. You know who you are. :) You are definite sources of my joy, strength, and peace. Through all of you, God speaks to me.
Thank you my sisters....
And Thank God!
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